Raw, Primitive, Powerful Rapport
by Scott MalyRaw, Primitive, Powerful Rapport
by John Bridges, CH, CPEH
If you are a person who is already deeply interested in the study of persuasion and influence, then you are also probably deeply interested in the topic of rapport. Why? Every NLP training you are likely to ever come across will teach you that rapport is where it all begins—it’s that deep, subconscious connection that binds you and that other person together. Rapport is what allows you to communicate instantly and effectively with little or no effort, sometimes even wordlessly.
At NPT, we have found this to be completely true. But we’ve also found that out of all the persuasion topics most commonly discussed, rapport is also the one most typically and dramatically misunderstood. You see, rapport is not synonymous with ‘warm and fuzzy’. It’s not necessarily about seeming to be someone’s best pal, or being totally ‘into’ someone. What it is about is that state of subconscious connection that we just mentioned—in other words, a state in which the actions of one person have an immediate and deep affect on the other.
Actually, there are at least two kinds of rapport, which for our purposes here, we will call ‘social’ and ‘atavistic’ rapport.
‘Social’ rapport is kind of like ‘rapport lite’; It’s what most people think of when they think of rapport. It’s two people at a party, having a great time talking and hitting it off. It’s natural and friendly interaction. It’s people exchanging similar ideas and validating each other through non-verbal communication as well. Social rapport is great fun, but unfortunately, as far as persuasion and influence goes, it tends to be the more shallow and weaker form of rapport.
‘Atavistic’ rapport, on the other hand, is quite different. This kind of rapport is primitive, raw and passionate. It’s where people are sharing the same feelings at a deep, unconscious level, but those feelings aren’t necessarily nice or pleasant. With this type of rapport, two people are connected, but to all outer appearances, they may not even seem to like each other. (Imagine a divorced couple who still harbor deep resentment—and lust—toward each other, or two competing business professionals who simultaneously admire and hate each other.)
Of the two, atavistic rapport is by far the most powerful because it’s rapport based on subconscious attention and a projection of intention—not just two people who happen to be chatting it up physically, but are actually mentally spinning off into their own little trance worlds. Atavistic rapport is the kind of rapport that says, ‘We don’t need to talk or pretend. We both know where we’re at and what we want.’
To become a true master of persuasion and influence, you need to develop an understanding of both types of rapport, and how to create and manage them at will—when you want to, and with whom you want to. This, in large part, is the pure essence of what we call ‘natural persuasion’ and it is the heart of what teach at NPT.